I’m a planner. I like to know what’s going on ahead of time. I don’t like having too much going on either because I like to have a little wiggle room in case something changes. Just the other night I asked Dave if he had anything he wanted to do this weekend because I’m trying to plan my two days off. I want to get a long bike ride in and I want to have time for church and I want to write and maybe go to the beach. And of course there are chores like groceries and laundry and bathrooms but let’s be honest-we all know I will avoid those like the plague.
God plans too.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Unfortunately, He doesn’t always include me in the details. The scripture is kind of vague too, isn’t it? Shouldn’t God be giving me an itinerary or something?
While I was pondering my “old comfy shoe” issue from my previous post, and the fact that I had no idea what, if anything, I should do, I was reminded of a scripture I used to pray morning, night and any time in between that I needed it.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
It was about 20 years ago, and involved the first couple of times my depression flared up – something that started as postpartum after the birth of my son, and progressed to episodes of major depression as the years went on. I remember pinning my hopes on this scripture – that God was actually listening to me and that some day I would feel ‘normal’ again. And God did direct my paths, but I had to be patient. In the meantime, he gave me loving family and friends for support, a good doctor and a fantastic husband who never gave up on me.
So, now here I am, hopping from one spiritual foot to the other, wondering when oh when was God going to share His plans for me, because I’m not getting any younger here. But that stupid shoe analogy is on the other foot, as I realized that I am doing NONE of what this scripture says, and in reality it’s God looking at me saying, “Hello? McFly?”
Am I trusting in Him? No. Am I only thinking with my own understanding? Totally. Am I submitting to Him? Hardly. I’m not even listening to him. Instead, I am pounding on His door, demanding that He tell me what’s going on, yammering so loudly that I couldn’t hear Him if I wanted to. Funny, I just read a very good blog post about listening – it fit so well it was like getting a crack on the head, à la Tommy Boy.
I began thinking – am I ready, truly ready, for whatever plans God has for me? Committed? Because what if I hate His plans? What if they are painful? What if it’s not something I would ever choose to go thru on my own? Bottom line, can I give this over to God, and trust that He will do what is best for me even if I hate it?
And that, I believe, is what He is waiting for.